Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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