I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
