last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
