I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
