it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
