are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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