dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
