you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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