She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
