I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
