My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
