even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Someone shattered a urinal.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
