My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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