He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
