you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
