plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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