I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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