I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
