i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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