There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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