Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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