life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
wakey wakey hands off snakey
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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