The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
