i think my mom watched the whole time
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
