I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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