I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
COCAINE IS GR8
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