I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
