I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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