hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
