Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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