I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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