My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
