I puked a lego.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
