I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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