yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
