Me too!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
