I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
