i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
