But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
