Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
