hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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