I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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