Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
