i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
