We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
