my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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