The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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