I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
