Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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