this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
