I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
