I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
