I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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