I want to have your abortion
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
