I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He kissed a someone with a penis
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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