I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
