dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
