Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
