ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
