...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Randomize
