if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
