I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i now understand why vodka
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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