and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
