actually, I'm a sock model
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
