And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
