Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
