I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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