I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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