I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
