good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
