My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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